I have discovered the secret to the universe.

Or at least the secret to shopping at Trader Joe’s the day before Thanksgiving. And I am going to share it with you!

I pre-forgave every one of my fellow shoppers.

The douchebag who went the wrong way in the parking lot and stole my spot? No problem! There was another spot!

The woman who said “Excuse me” and reached in front of me to get butter, preventing me from getting butter myself even though I was standing right in front of it? Heck, at least she said excuse me.

Everyone who left their carts in the middle of the already too narrow aisles, preventing anyone from going anywhere? Whatever, I was not in a hurry.

It was slightly irritating to have to extend my goodwill to the driver on our way home who cut across two lanes of traffic in order to come to a dead stop in front of me just as I’d shifted into fourth gear, but I had plenty of time to stop so I even forgive her.

Now, lest you think that your favorite cynical bitch has been hit in the head or something, you should know that I bribed myself with cookies. And that I am certain this won’t last. Though I’m hoping to stretch it out a little, since it does help keep stress levels down. (Also recommended for stress: an awesome assistant named Sam. He has been terrific this morning.)

9 thoughts on “I have discovered the secret to the universe.

  1. Buddy Christ

    November 25, 2009 at 11:17am

    I’m proud of you, kiddo!

    *thumbs up/wink*

  2. chez shoes

    November 25, 2009 at 12:01pm

    You. Are a brave woman!!! I’m guessing this is the 3rd and La Brea TJ’s you’re referring to, which is a nightmare to navigate even when it’s not the day before Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

  3. Becky

    November 25, 2009 at 12:19pm

    A very good lesson, thank you for sharing. I’ll try to keep it in my heart before I start hitting people with a baseball bat.

  4. Becky

    November 25, 2009 at 12:22pm

    A noble effort.

  5. Anne

    November 25, 2009 at 2:06pm

    I’m heading to Safeway now – I’ll try to find some cookies first and see if this works for me :)

  6. Laurie Ann

    November 25, 2009 at 3:44pm

    You’re a kind and generous woman. I’m purposely staying at work, even though the office officially closed at 3:00, just so I don’t kill folks on the way home.

  7. existentialwaitress

    November 26, 2009 at 10:44am

    Followed your example when I had to run out this morning – pretty good suggestion as I was able to succesfully resist the urge to slap a bitch. LOL.

  8. courtney

    December 1, 2009 at 4:09pm

    Cracking up. That is a brilliant plan of attack. I am going to begin every day in a pre-forgiving state of mind assisted by cookies. I MEAN IT. I hope folks are ready for a less surly Courtney, but they probably aren’t.

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