Or at least the secret to shopping at Trader Joe’s the day before Thanksgiving. And I am going to share it with you!
I pre-forgave every one of my fellow shoppers.
The douchebag who went the wrong way in the parking lot and stole my spot? No problem! There was another spot!
The woman who said “Excuse me” and reached in front of me to get butter, preventing me from getting butter myself even though I was standing right in front of it? Heck, at least she said excuse me.
Everyone who left their carts in the middle of the already too narrow aisles, preventing anyone from going anywhere? Whatever, I was not in a hurry.
It was slightly irritating to have to extend my goodwill to the driver on our way home who cut across two lanes of traffic in order to come to a dead stop in front of me just as I’d shifted into fourth gear, but I had plenty of time to stop so I even forgive her.
Now, lest you think that your favorite cynical bitch has been hit in the head or something, you should know that I bribed myself with cookies. And that I am certain this won’t last. Though I’m hoping to stretch it out a little, since it does help keep stress levels down. (Also recommended for stress: an awesome assistant named Sam. He has been terrific this morning.)