I was just looking through an album of photos taken at an old friend’s wedding. Whenever I came across an adult I didn’t recognize, I scrolled down to see if the picture was tagged. One of them turned out to be an ex-boyfriend of mine. Several pictures later, he turned up again. I looked at the tags both times.
I did not recognize him, and it’s not because he looks very different. He doesn’t. I just forgot what he looks like. Granted, yes, it’s been 13 years. But I am just going to laugh at myself anyway because OMG I FORGOT WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE AHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I was going to name him (why the heck not?) but I realized that I always refer to him by first and last name, not in some weird My So-Called Life thing but because of a mix tape I made after we broke up. It wasn’t like all the mix tapes I made for Will when we were separated (which were OMG kind of pukey, and I found one recently but that’s another entry). It was a mix tape for me, because I was angry. I had dumped him after some fairly major transgressions (and also realizing that I didn’t really like him very much–awkward!) but I was still ticked off so I made this tape. It was called “Fuck You, [First Name Last Name]” and I have referred to him by his full name ever since. And sure, I could just refer to him by his first name here (it’s Eric) but it just wouldn’t seem right.
I still have the tape, actually, despite not having any way to play it. (Well, I still have a tape deck, but my stereo is not hooked up. Also I might have a walkman somewhere, but good grief there is enough of a AA battery shortage around here without me adding to it for this.) I really want to hunt it down so I can look at the track listing, but it’s under the stairs and I don’t know if you’ve seen all the stuff I have crammed under there but Trust Me, you do not want me to start digging now. I might not get out again until Christmas.
So, anyway. I do not have a point at all. Unless it’s to out the fact that it is no longer true if I say that I have no idea what any of my exes are up to. I mean, I still have no idea what he’s up to, but I know he was in a wedding recently. And by extension, I know that he still lives in the Hudson Valley (probably) and is still alive (almost certainly).
And also that maybe I am not going to look at Facebook anymore.