To My Fellow Pedestrians.

I love the way you rush to get in front of me at the crosswalk while waiting for the light. Because there is no way a pregnant lady with a stroller is going to cross quickly enough for you, you big important guy! Except, of course, a pregnant lady with a stroller who happens to be from New York. Thanks a lot for making it so I couldn’t walk at a normal pace and barely made it across with the light, you pack of slowpokes. And thanks especially for smoking your cigarette directly in front of my kid. That was awesome of you.

13 thoughts on “To My Fellow Pedestrians.

  1. Bo

    July 28, 2009 at 3:31pm

    Outdoors in LA, and you’re worried about 1 smoker. Please.

  2. Annika

    July 28, 2009 at 3:34pm

    Hi Ian! It’s really cute how you comment under a different name but leave your email address the same. Don’t do it again. You are obnoxious and rarely have anything interesting to say and I am weary of you.

  3. Katherine

    July 28, 2009 at 4:21pm

    Can I just say that in my (limited) experience that SoCal walkers are SLOW (not leisurely) and do not follow normal traffic patterns?

    Of course, most of the walkers I have encountered are so old they are probably used to traversing the great Roman roads and sidewalks and autos just confuse them.

  4. Mary

    July 28, 2009 at 6:00pm

    Effing parents here SMOKE at the playground. Near children. Holding their smokes down where little faces can run into it. AND they throw them down, still smoldering hot. Oi.

  5. Annika

    July 28, 2009 at 6:26pm

    In general smoking in public doesn’t bother me, but the playground? EWWW. And stepping directly in front of a stroller and waving your cigarette in my kid’s face? Not cool, dude. If I’d been able to see his hand before he turned off the sidewalk toward his office building, I would have said something.

  6. Annika

    July 28, 2009 at 6:27pm

    The funnier response to Mary would have been, “Do you live in France?” But I always think of these things too late.

  7. Cazzle

    July 29, 2009 at 8:21am

    Hell, I get annoyed when people lean outside the library smoking. (Smoking is banned in the square, not that any of the smokers seems to give two shits.) Every time the door opens the smell wafts in. It’s foul.

    Also, I HATE people who walk really. slowly. GETOUTTAMYWAY you slowpokes. You should have mowed them down with the stroller. Woulda served ’em right.

    (Cranky Cazzle is facetious today)

  8. oslowe

    July 29, 2009 at 9:11am

    we need to mount ankle-height blades on the wheels, retractable, like Ogami Itto’s babycart. And give Sam the button that springs them out.

  9. K

    July 29, 2009 at 10:18am

    Will- Awesome. I like the way you think :D

  10. Lucretia

    July 29, 2009 at 1:37pm

    I think it was extremely restrained of you to limit your ire to a short post. I could write a freaking book on my pavement rage. And I possibly need counselling.

  11. Amy

    July 29, 2009 at 7:33pm

    I don’t mind slow people as long as they don’t BLOCK THE ENTIRE WALKWAY. … Which they usually do.

  12. Anne

    July 30, 2009 at 12:19pm

    I LOVE oslowe’s idea!!! That could totally be marketed to the right demographic :)

    I also hate slow pedestrians, but when I weave they always seem to weave with me and are STILL in my way. I think that’s just me though

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