Memo to the President

Dear President Obama,

I think I may have the solution to some of our troubles overseas, a solution that will, I believe, bring our troops home safe without jeopardizing the countries we are trying to help by leaving our work unfinished. A solution that will, unless I am gravely mistaken, smoke out the Taliban, Al Quaida, the Iraqi insurgents, and all the other naughty people in one fell swoop.

Mr. President, I believe that all you require in order to accomplish this is the sound of my son expressing his displeasure with me.

Imagine, if you will, the sound of a tea kettle left to boil. The high-pitched whistle that invades your brain and won’t allow it to do anything else, such as remember how to make the noise stop (NB: turn off the stove, remove the stopper from the kettle). Now imagine that sound twice as high, twice as loud, and going on indefinitely (apparently three year olds do not require the actual drawing of breath in order to supply their lungs with oxygen).

This sound, capable of forcing me to give in to his terrorist demands such as Looney Tunes cartoons, chocolate, and a seventh time around the block when I am ready to fall down from hunger, is not (I hope, oh god I hope) reproducible. As an American and a patriot, I am offering you full access to my son’s wrath. All you need provide is an amplification devise and earplugs for your staff (I would not say no to a pair myself).

Sincerely,
ohgodohgodmakeitstop

7 thoughts on “Memo to the President

  1. georgia

    July 10, 2009 at 9:42am

    and please feel free to take my son along too.

  2. Mary

    July 10, 2009 at 12:07pm

    Hahaha! When Violet does that high-pitched whine I always say ‘The tea’s ready!’. I know exactly what you mean.

  3. Amanda

    July 10, 2009 at 1:16pm

    A three-year old was doing that at the Gym-Nest last night…in the very-echo prone entry way. Imagine it in surround sound, and I think you’ll know what greeted me when I got to work last night.

  4. Annika

    July 10, 2009 at 1:22pm

    Oh, yes. I’m afraid I don’t really have to imagine. The scream that prompted this entry started outside, lasted all the way up the echo-filled stairway, through the echo-y hallway, and into our apartment (which does not, at least, have much of an echo). The stairs were the worst.

  5. yojo

    July 10, 2009 at 4:24pm

    Finally, a solution I can get behind. Also? May I please donate the neighborhood ice cream truck that blares CHRISTMAS CAROLS as a ‘delivery option’?

  6. Annika

    July 10, 2009 at 4:25pm

    WTF is up with ice cream trucks lately? Ours cruises around at 10pm.

  7. Erin H.

    July 11, 2009 at 10:46pm

    I cannot relate to this post anymore if I tried. Junior created a stage 4 tamtrum outside in the front yard today when his playmate from next door went home. In front of all the nieghbors. He was in his glory. I do believe Osama would have given in. Three year olds are mighty fearsome.

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