The Worst Hangover I Never Had

Yesterday afternoon I felt queasy for a couple of hours. It passed, Sam and I ran our errands, and we splurged on a pizza for dinner (Mama got paid!). After dinner I went to a party at Nina and Will’s house, where I indulged in the teensiest cocktail and about half a Guinness. I came home at 10:00, feeling a little bit drunk but knowing it was just tiredness. When I got home, Will headed to the party. (We thought for sure only one of us would feel up to going out on a Friday, so we didn’t get a sitter.) I was up until 11:30 with a certain young man who had taken a surprise two hour nap. I woke up at 1:00 or so, wondering if Will had made it home and feeling pretty wretched. I’d brought a glass of water to bed with me, and I sipped it and drifted back to sleep. I woke up again around 1:30 because Will was getting into bed. I then proceeded to drift in and out of fitful, sweaty, acid-refluxy sleep, waking at approximately 2:15, 3:15, 4:15, 5:00, 5:30, 6:00, 6:30, and finally 7:15.

I can only remember feeling that hungover twice before. One of those times (suspiciously also after a Will and Nina party) I had to call Will to come home from work because I couldn’t stop vomiting long enough to take care of Sam. Today I wasn’t puking but I did have a commitment I could not break, a private teaching engagement through a local knitting store.

The thing is, there’s no way I was hungover. I did not drink enough to be hungover. I felt like I had alcohol poisoning, but the small amount of alcohol I’d consumed was surely out of my system by the time I got up.

I had a truly miserable morning. I soaked in a hot tub. I choked down some tea and a rice cake. I got dressed and had the fellas drop me off at the shop. I kept thinking, thinking, trying to come up with something–anything–that I could eat. Nothing sounded possible. It was like being pregnant without the promise of a baby several months hence. And then. Then we passed a fruta cart. We didn’t stop but I realized I could eat fruit. So when I was early to the shop, I walked down the block to a fancy-schmancy café and bought a fresh-squeezed orange juice. The extortionists charged me nearly $5 for a tiny cup. It was the best five dollars I’ve ever spent. EVER. Two sips in and I was feeling human. Seriously.

Now what the fuck was up with my weird illness? I suppose it could have been a bug. It could certainly have been something I ate, but I don’t know what. Whatever it was, it’s not welcome back. DO NOT WANT.

3 thoughts on “The Worst Hangover I Never Had

  1. TexasRed

    April 6, 2009 at 6:26am

    I had a similar problem after drinking a Fresca several days this past fall. Thought it might be preggers stuff, but no, just that my stomach had suddenly decided to hate Fresca. Never did figure it out.

    TexasRed’s last blog post..Monday Meme – About Us

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