Reading Comprehension in Trolls at All-Time Low!

Hi. My finger is fine. Didn’t even bleed much! I even managed to wash it WITH SOAP to get any veggie burger residue out, then slapped on some calendula and a bandage and have even done some knitting. Will came home early, which was nice and kept the nervous break-downs at bay. Good husband, he is. You should all get one.

But I really just wanted to tell you about this lovely “anonymous” comment on my finger-slicing post:

Hello, Shitbag! I have not approved your comment because I was so worried that it would get lost in the shuffle of comments from people not too chickenshit to use their real names and email addresses. Instead, I am sharing it here so EVERYONE can see it.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me! I just love the internet. Everyone can say anything they like to people, even nasty shit they would never dream of saying in someone’s home (and really, what is this if not my virtual living room?), with no fear of discovery of their secret identity.

So the first thing I would like to ask is whether your employers, the International Cinematographers Guild, know how you are spending your time? You really ought to be more careful when you post from a dedicated IP address. I literally only had to click once (with my injured finger, so you know it was easy) to find out who you are.

But onto the bulk of your comment. First, it is wise of you to establish that you have “worked” with children. Awesome! So have I! In fact, I started babysitting when I was 12, which was 18 years ago. I’ve been a nanny for two different families and have taken care of countless other children. I also … what was that other thing I did? … OH YEAH, I also am a mother. Which it turns out is NOTHING like “working” with children at all. It is a thousand times better, and also a thousand times harder. So congratulations on having a job most of us have had, call me again when you know what the hell you’re talking about.

Second, and most important, I wanted to discuss your misconception that I told my son to “fuck off.” That is ludicrous. If you had actually read my post, you would know that I told him to “leave me the fuck alone.” I said this while crying and trying to keep my finger from falling off (exaggeration! It is merely a flesh wound!) and I absolutely meant it. If my charming, funny, intelligent kid turns into a shitbag because I once told him to leave me alone, then the entire human race is doomed and there is nothing I can do about it.

So thanks for playing, but I’ll be banning your IP address from commenting here. You should have read my comment policy.

25 thoughts on “Reading Comprehension in Trolls at All-Time Low!

  1. Anne-Marie

    July 18, 2008 at 10:20am

    You could contact their employers , you know, if you weren’t so busy with your babysitting ;)

    I’m glad your finger hasn’t stopped you from knitting, because that would have been a catastrophe!

    (I feel this comment sounds like im taking the piss, which im not)

    Anne-Marie’s last blog post..El patio!

  2. Delle

    July 18, 2008 at 10:31am

    Wow, swearing in the heat of the moment whilst you are in pain and on an adrenaline high caused by your toddler defying nature and getting a knife you’d specifically moved out of his reach. Annika you are obviously the worst mother ever.

    I always thought shitbags were know-it-alls with no empathy or genuine experience.

    Delle’s last blog post..Gaah!

  3. Cindy Lou

    July 18, 2008 at 10:42am

    I think I’ve mentioned before that the job “mother” is the one job that total strangers feel completely comfortable in critiquing and everyone is an expert. To advise you to let butt head comments go in one ear and out the other is easier said than done. I’ve been trying that for 19 years already and so far, I haven’t had great success.

    Moms are human too and it’s from the parent that a kid learns empathy and sympathy. If you’d never sliced the hell out of your finger, cried and sworn, Sam wouldn’t learn how to “care” that you were hurt.

    Oh and I’d like to suggest that anonymous get a “word a day” calender. Surely there is some synonym for “shitbag” that would have kept the entire post from sounding so…well…redundant.

    Cindy Lou’s last blog post..Casting Call

  4. oslowe

    July 18, 2008 at 11:12am

    post-prolapse containment unit?

    colostomy carrier?



  5. uccellina

    July 18, 2008 at 11:19am

    I told my screaming twins to shut up once. They were about six weeks old. I hadn’t slept in a few days and I was crying too. I’m pretty sure they’ll be in therapy forever.

    Or, y’know, not.

    uccellina’s last blog post..Spot of tea, dear?

  6. uccellina

    July 18, 2008 at 11:20am

    Oh, and I tell the cats to fuck off all the time. It’s a miracle they aren’t serial killers by now.

    uccellina’s last blog post..Spot of tea, dear?

  7. chez shoes

    July 18, 2008 at 1:43pm

    Jeebus. Nobody should be judged for what they do or say while BLEEDING, least of all by a stupid internet troll.

  8. oslowe

    July 18, 2008 at 2:07pm


  9. Stephanie

    July 18, 2008 at 2:08pm

    I vote for poop-pouch! You could also name a line of cloth diapers that. In fact you could name a line of cloth diapers shitbags as well, but I don’t think they would sell very well.

    Stephanie’s last blog post..Bet-ter? Also, Y.

  10. Swistle

    July 18, 2008 at 2:10pm

    One of the reasons I’m considering switching to WordPress: the IP address thing. OMG, that would have been SO AWESOME recently.

    Swistle’s last blog post..Blogstle

  11. Amanda

    July 18, 2008 at 2:43pm

    Stephanie, I would totally buy diapers called Shitbags. I have also bought lip balm called Chicken Poop, so the market might just be people with my sense of humor.

  12. CassyLee

    July 18, 2008 at 3:00pm

    To Uccelina: Are you sure your cats aren’t serial killers? I’ve notice a huge decrease in spider population around my place ever since I started verbally abusing my cats.

    To Annika: I’m glad to hear the finger is okay & knit-worthy. As for the anonymous replier – I’d say ignore him, but if you had then we wouldn’t have gotten Will’s suggestions for shitbag replacements, and the world would be a poorer place, so I’m just as happy you didn’t ;-).

  13. oslowe

    July 18, 2008 at 3:17pm


  14. ~ Teresa ~

    July 18, 2008 at 3:50pm

    Well said Annika!

  15. Cindy Lou

    July 18, 2008 at 3:58pm

    Dear Oslowe,

    Flop-pocket made me spit Smarties clear across my bedroom. Perhaps you should assemble a word a day calendar for people who are swear word impaired.

    Flop-pockets. Aren’t those microwaveable one-handed meals?

    Oh and let me offer…ca-ca carrier.

    Cindy Lou’s last blog post..Lost In Translation

  16. B

    July 18, 2008 at 5:52pm

    Hey, at least they owned up to being a Shitbag…right? Meanwhile, I think it’s time to go buy a flop pocket. I’d totally buy anything named flop pocket.

    B’s last blog post..We’ve Reached The Time Of…

  17. Diane Dawson

    July 19, 2008 at 2:29pm

    Uccellina – My cats know no other phrase. I’m being nicer to them now though, because I want to model good pet-owner behavior for Lilly. But they are still shit-bags.

    Annika – I once slapped Lilly when she bit me while nursing. I was mortified. Especially when, the next time she bit me, she slapped herself. There has been no slapping before or since. But the guilt, oh the guilt.

  18. ~Sheryl

    July 19, 2008 at 6:39pm

    Annika, I love your comment policy… fuck off pretty much covers it.

    I am so baffled by people that make comments like that. It’s not being constructive or empathetic… aside from being stupid, it’s just plain mean. And those mean people… well they suck.

    And if “shitbag” was a parent then he/she would realize that the real fear in using the word fuck in any form around a two year old it that it will come back and bite you in the ass when that two year old starts using the word fuck backatcha.

    I’m glad your finger is doing ok.

    Cindy – ca-ca carrier is too funny!!

    ~Sheryl’s last blog routine

  19. yojo

    July 20, 2008 at 8:51am

    Wow. Just wow. That’s a lot of pent up something there. The intarwebs are an amazing forum for unwarranted random opinions that let you glimpse (unfortunately it’s involuntary) right into the central defect in someone.

    Hope your digit is OK, and um…who hasn’t screamed something like that in a moment like that?

    Oh, and I gotta say my vote is for ‘flop-pocket.’

    yojo’s last blog post..No One Will Ever Believe You.

  20. Jenn

    July 20, 2008 at 2:20pm

    Rupert just ate a fly on the window pane. I do believe this is directly related to my having yelled “oh for fuck’s sake” last night when he jumped on the beeb to get to the other side of the playpen.

    I should note, for your readers, that Rupert is a cat. Although I’ll keep you all posted once Malcolm (the beeb) starts eating flies. I figure it is only a matter of time.

    Jenn’s last blog post..Beeby Boy Report

  21. Cindy Lou

    July 20, 2008 at 8:31pm

    Note to self…in addition to posting gorgeous baby bump pictures and adorable baby/toddler pictures, evidently being called a shitbag is a real comment generator.

    Someone please come over to my blog and call me a shitbag. I’m really low in the comments department this week.

    Cindy Lou’s last blog post..Kiss Your Loved Ones And Hold Them Tight

  22. ZooKeeper

    July 21, 2008 at 6:39am

    The first thing I noticed was the faux-mail address “YourAre.” What is that? You Are, You’re, hmmm? Sorry, I should have been an editor.

  23. Nicole

    July 21, 2008 at 8:34pm

    I found this blog on random surfing, and boy, you should feel loved!

    My vote is for “post-prolapse containment unit” because I doubt anyone who would use “shitbag” that often would have any idea what it meant!

    On a personal note, I’m scared for my (very far in the future) future kids. Censoring myself when I babysit my niece and nephew is bad enough, so I don’t know how I’ll manage when it’s a constant.

    If that’s the worst thing he ever hears, then he’s off to a good start!

    Nicole’s last blog post..Cuz Baby We’ll be, At the Drive in!

  24. Stefani

    July 27, 2008 at 10:33pm

    Well said!

    And good lord, why can’t people just play nice?

    I thought I knew all kinds of things about raising children before I had them too. I was an education major, taught preschool, worked summer camps babysat several times a week, and more often than not, I was smug in the knowledge that I was going to be a far better parent than any of the schmucks I worked for.

    Boy did I get schooled! Parenting is tough work, tougher than I ever imagined, and even the best of us let some stuff out of our mouths that we wish we hadn’t.

    I ask you though… what’s better, to show your kids that real people screw up sometimes, even people who love you, or to bottle up your anger and then lash out anonymously at strangers?

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