OK, I’m listening!
A few weeks ago when I was desperately trying to finish editing GUNFIGHT AT HIDE PARK there was one day that was a total breakthrough for me. A day when I did not write. At all. I spent the whole day playing with Sam. And at the end of the day I didn’t feel that I’d been pulled in twelve different directions and overwhelmed by commitments. I didn’t feel that I’d tried to do everything and failed to do anything. I had tried to do one thing — spend time with my son — and succeeded.
This might seem incredibly obvious to everyone else, but as someone who used to be the queen of multitasking it is a lesson that’s slow to leak into my skull: I have to slow down and do one thing at a time. That week I didn’t even look at the screenplay again until Saturday (the breakthrough was on Tuesday, I believe). Will played with Sam and I finished in two hours. They didn’t even have to leave the house. The first half of the script took me two weeks to edit, the second half two hours. That’s a pretty big club I bashed myself over the head with, don’tcha think?
Of course it has not fully sunk in. I still try to do too many things. I still fail to do most of them. Add in the fact that I was sick all last week and still feel like poo this week (yesterday I fell asleep on the couch while Sam played and climbed all over me) and ugh. I am not doing very well at any of my jobs. (I use the term job very loosely to describe the different things I do — I don’t really consider any of them a JOB. I’m a mother, I’m a writer, I’m a wife, I’m a blogger, I’m a knitter, et cetera. Not jobs so much as things I am and things I do.)
I’m trying, though. Scheduling is very much the opposite of my natural inclination, but I am trying to make time for everything. To give things some thought ahead of time so dinner is actually ready when Will gets home, which gives us a little family time before Sam goes to bed; to not spend all day checking google reader but actually turn off the computer (well, close it — it’s a laptop); to just get down on the floor and hang out with my kid instead of getting frustrated that he pushes between me and whatever I’m doing and demands a boob. Balance means not doing a lot of the things I’m trying to do and that is hard. But not trying to do as many things means I actually do more things. Wrapping my brain around that one is hard.
This morning I saw an article Violet shared on google reader: 12 Hours to Better Time Management. I clicked on it and left it open in another tab to read later. Irony is my friend. A few minutes later I saw this article on Parent Hacks: Ten ways to find time for your family — no matter how busy you are. I read that one right away, because I like to think I only need to be bashed over the head twice before I listen. Maybe three times.
More time for my family. Better time management. Priorities. I can do this.
February 21st, 2008 at 9:27 am
It is hard to wrap your head around, huh? I try hard to throw myself fully into doing whatever ONE thing I’m doing but I always get distracted by thinking I can multitask. Jack demands full attention and we all feel better when he gets it!
Ewokmama’s last blog post..New Daycare Anxiety
February 21st, 2008 at 11:36 am
I completely relate to this. I have had to become a scheduler, and even then I over schedule and feel complete defeat… Then I do something like spend a day playing with my daughter, and I feel a 2×4 smack me in the head…
I still don’t learn.
misty’s last blog post..This Post Brought To You By…
February 21st, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I think it’s a great start- that sounds wrong- I think that you are succeeding in the area that you are trying to change, maybe not as fast as you’d like, but you are totally doing it and just have to perservere? What DO I mean?
February 21st, 2008 at 5:14 pm
One of the things I think I am good at is time management. I do a lot of the things they suggest – the reminders in Outlook, calendering, etc. I have a separate datebook that I carry in my purse for Evan’s appointments (with as much therapy and doctors appointments as he has, we need it!) I’m relating here, not offering advice – I don’t over do it on the scheduling and list making, because not only can you waste a lot of time making lists you really don’t need to, but then you can drive yourself crazy in making life too structured. The key thing that helps me is putting time limits on tasks. e.g. 10 minutes to read blogs, or I’ll spend Evan’s entire nap surfing and not doing any work. That really helps so I don’t get sidetracked, which I tend to do!
Allison SuperCrafty’s last blog post..A Vest for Evan
February 21st, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Schedule is a dangerous word in my opinion. Routine is better. routine is fluid. If something disrputs a routine, it can easkly fit in and life is not disturbed too much. Most men don’t/cant’ multi-task…or just refuse to learn to do it. I was a master at it and almsot drove myself crazy. So I quit trying to. Unless you call blogging while watching tv or knitting while watching tv …that is about the only time I try multitasking any more.
I hope you are feeling better soon. I have been hit wiht a silly virus…haven’t touched my knitting in days and I knit all the time.
An I am so happy for you that you are spending the time with Sam….toddlerhood goes by all too quickly!
Grandmere’s last blog post..Culture QotD: School Shootings
February 21st, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Hmm, you are sometimes inside my head. I am awesome at time management so much of the time – but other times not and then I feel guilty and wasteful.
Lately I’ve been chatting with myself about downtime vs wasted-time.
Oh yeah, and this thing I do when I don’t do what I want (crafts) because I’m not allowed until I complete work (marking) but then I don’t do the marking OR do crafts. I just waste time avoiding the marking (but not crafting because I’m not allowed).
This was brought to you in the attempt to show how I am much more insane than you ever imagined.
Jenn’s last blog post..Happy!
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:21 am
Grandmere — I totally agree about schedule vs. routine, but I totally disagree about men and multitasking. I think you’re doing a real disservice to men and women by generalizing like that. My husband, for instance, can juggle two-three-four-five things at once, where I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time. As I said, I was once a serious multitasker but I can no longer handle having my brain pulled in so many directions. I don’t think it’s got anything to do with gender.
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:14 am
I guess I am just basing that on my experience. My husband, brother in law and son couldn’t multitask to save their lives. Neither can one of my sons in law. But you are right, the other son in law can. Most of the men I wokred with could not either. In fact, at some of our staff meetings it was discussed and the men on staff agreed that it was easier for them to tackle one thing at a time. Lots of laughter over some of it. I think you are lucky to be married to someone who can, it would be handy sometimes in this household!
Grandmere’s last blog post..Culture QotD: School Shootings
February 22nd, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Hey! I’ve been thinking about this today actually. At the beginning of the year I was determined to be a better mom, the way I was going to do this was to spend 5-10 min every day one on one with each kid (I have four). Ironically enough this seems to be enough for them the majority of the time- and they’ll go play nicely for HOURS after just a few minutes of ‘alone time’ with me. That was a powerful lesson to me to stop and take a minute. Also, my third is named Annika. I’ve not met many adults with that name (which I obviously love).
Amber @ Soggy Cheerios’s last blog post..ahh, nothing like girl time
March 2nd, 2008 at 5:23 am
At work, my time management is excellent; at home it’s pretty shit. I hope those tips work for you!