I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

My five year blogiversary is forthcoming (August 16) and I have never won any awards. I am on very few blogrolls and receive a mid-sized number of comments. I have not in any other way been singled out as a worthy blogger.

Well, that isn’t strictly true. The comments I do get are wonderful and thoughtful and appreciated. The bloggers whose blogrolls include me are uniformly wonderful. I am good enough that I was offered the two blogging gigs I actively sought out. And I have inspired at least two people to start their own blogs.

But I am greedy and I want some sort of distinction. Some…well, fame. I want to win a blogging award or be offered a paid blogging gig or something. Hell, I have only been tagged for a meme once or twice (and I still haven’t posted my answers…hmm, wonder if that’s why I don’t get tagged).

But those rewards are not why I’m here. I write because I have to. Because I love to. I always have. Blogging is the perfect medium for me — a place where I can ruminate on disparate subjects, allowing my mind to wander at will, and receive feedback from a variety of intelligent people (and the occasional fun troll). It is at once a diary, a writing exercise, an entertainment effort, a place to seek encouragement and a place to work out my troubles. It is all that and more.

I was beginning to be downright amused about the whole thing, actually. Proud, even. Five years with NO distinction! I was planning to celebrate come August. Award myself the Average Blogger Award. Set a new standard. Finally hold another Noirbettie Award and take the time to appreciate the bloggers I love. Make it a little less about me.

It’s not easy to admit how selfish you are. It’s embarrassing. I certainly don’t feel that I deserve the accolades I covet.

Well, I’ve won something.

thinking blogger awardViolet has awarded me the Thinking Blogger Award, something I’ve seen other bloggers receive and each time thought, Yes, s/he makes me think. To know that someone feels that way about me…it is like winning the Oscar.

From her post:

[Annika is] one of those people I’d be completely intimidated by if I saw her walking down the grocery store aisle, but who I’d simultaneously wish I could wander up to and ask for advice on how to be cool the way she is. (Seriously, she leaves a comment here and I get all giddy about it. I need all the “cool” help I can get..)

I am utterly gobsmacked that anyone could feel that way about me. Not least because I am the most uncool person on earth, but also because it is just hard to accept compliments. And Violet? She is super neat-o. I can’t remember how I found her blog but it’s a good one. So to say I am honored is an understatement.

The rules state that I’m to nominate five more thinkers. Here goes nothing.

(And may I just say — this is hard. I read some brilliant thinkers.)

1. Uccellina of A Bird’s Nest. Normally I don’t like having friends who are smarter than me. I make an exception here because she is also kind and thoughtful and very pretty. Also, she writes brilliant adventure stories about Peeps. And did I mention how smart she is?

2. Soper of Uterine Wars. The story of her daughter Moonpie’s adoption was the most spellbinding reading of my life. Then she quit blogging and there was a hole for over a year. She’s started again, and most recently is wrestling with finding Moonpie’s biological family, adopting again, and the loneliness of being a mom in a new town.

3. Faith of That is so queer… Faith is brilliant. She’s one of the most self-aware bloggers I know, and always open to more self-discovery. She does important work and has opinions about improving the world. Plus, she’s one of my knitty pals, and you know how I love my knittaz.

4. Moreena of The Wait and the Wonder. Moreena’s six-year-old daughter Annika is waiting for her third liver transplant. Moreena lives and writes with a grace we should all aspire to. When the system angers her, she figures out a way to fight against the problem rationally and logically. She speaks up for organ donation and against its inaccurate portrayal in the media. And she posts hilarious videos of Annika and little sister Frankie.

5. Carmen of Mom to the Screaming Masses. Carmen just started an auxiliary blog for her weight loss tips — she lost 60 pounds in the last year without going on a diet. Check out The ELFF Diet as well as her regular blog. Carmen is one of the people who reminds me that Christians are wonderful, good people who are not accurately represented by a few loud nutjobs. Also, she is wicked funny.

And because this doesn’t come close to covering even a fraction of the bloggers whose posts make my gears turn, here is a list of some of my current bloggy crushes:
Jessica of Kerflop, Secret Agent Josephine, Whoorl, Nell at meanwhile…, Yvonne of Joy Unexpected, Ree at Confessions of a Pioneer Woman, Oh My Stinkin Heck, Nova of Distraction No. 99, and of course Violet herself.

7 thoughts on “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

  1. nana

    April 18, 2007 at 9:10pm

    But lest you forget: you were the one who led me to my favourite blog– Big Yellow House (Notes from the Trenches). Chris is a brilliant writer. Plus she knows Carmen.

  2. uccellina

    April 18, 2007 at 11:39pm

    Wow, thank you! And I just spent about an hour and a half reading through the entire Uterine Wars site. Fascinating.

  3. moreena

    April 19, 2007 at 6:31am

    Thank you so much, mama Annika (because that’s what I call you in my head to make sure I don’t confuse my friends in the computer with my own children–I’m easily confused and thus clearly not deserving the “thinking” title).

    I was delighted to discover you those years ago, back when you were only the second Annika I had ever met. I’ve enjoyed reading about your pregnancy and journey to motherhood, and are yet another of the people I know online whom I wish I could magically transport to my town, where we would all live together in blogging harmony.

    Thank you!

  4. Jimmy

    April 19, 2007 at 10:50am

    congrats on the anniversary. i just started my kenburnshatesmexicans.com blog a few weeks ago. i am in awe of keeping up the obvious quality of writing for four years. i’ll keep my fingers crossed for your award.

  5. Jimmy

    April 19, 2007 at 10:51am

    ok. i re read what i wrote: i am in awe of YOU keeping up the obvious quality of writing for all these years. cheers.

  6. Faith

    April 19, 2007 at 2:05pm

    Cool! Thanks! I’ve never won any awards either! Now I can’t wait to read the others you’ve nominated.


  7. Violet

    April 20, 2007 at 3:21pm

    Blog Awards: Now With Added Kleenex!

    I am giddy at seeing your choices – now I have more blogs to read. Feeeeed my addiction! Feeeeeeeed it!


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