A Sweet Little Bullet From A Pretty Blue Gun

Today’s song title is from Blue Valentine.

Time to dip into The Book.

39. Choose Your Words.

Margaret Mason suggests writing a story of only 100 words. Inspired by Rosemary Mosco, I’ve limited myself to 55 words.

Sabine started to step off the curb. She watched her foot like it was someone else’s. She stepped down but drew her foot back at the last possible second before it made contact with the blacktop.

Traffic whizzed by. Both directions.

She would try leaving the house again tomorrow. For today, this was far enough.

Feedback welcome, or write your own 55 (or 100) word story in the comments.

11 thoughts on “A Sweet Little Bullet From A Pretty Blue Gun

  1. Leone

    November 16, 2006 at 2:17pm

    I really like the breaks because it makes it seem so much longer than other 55 word stories. I’m amazed when people can write actual stories in such few words, and like you make them so good. Kudos!

  2. Jonathan

    November 16, 2006 at 6:29pm

    OK. I’ll bite.

    Maxwell kept the hyperspatial auger whirring away despite the wailing klaxxons. A minor nuisance. Quite the polite reminder, one should think, that one shouldn’t use unregulated devices so close to the stabilizing core of this particular ship. Which just happens to be in orbit around black hole #Z-10110-Czx.

    A careless move could be rather devastating, actually.

    No. He would only worry if the alarms went silent. Yeah. That would be worrisome.

    The cerulean blade continued to bite deeper into the outer casing. A bead of sweat rolled down Max’s hand. Another centimeter more…

    Silence.

    Time splits infinity.

    Then… Silence.

  3. Rodolfo

    November 17, 2006 at 8:58am

    Too busy writing homework to attempt a short story, but yours is really good. Actually, it’s pretty terrific!

    (Of course, I have several pages of notes that I’ll forward later.)

  4. Kirk

    November 17, 2006 at 9:54am

    There was a Shirley Jackson story (I forget the title, but it’s in Come Along With Me) which ended with a woman at a crosswalk unable to bring herself to cross the street. An influence?

    In other news, Hi. Hope baby and all is well (are well?).

  5. Spike

    November 17, 2006 at 10:51am

    I sleep. Stupid yumoos wakes me. I burrow under the blankets. Stupid yumoo moves. I stretch and yawn. I run to my food. I eat. I run. I bite Chuck. We run. I eat my food. I sniff noses with the Bears. I bite Chuck. We run. I eat. I watch the outside. I sleep.

  6. Min

    November 17, 2006 at 11:28am

    My only disclaimer here – read this as if a teenage male wrote it. It makes more sense that way, I think.

    I saw a comedy flick where a guy finds out his mom is having an affair with his best friend. He gets pissed off, makes an ass of himself, and the viewers all root for the unlikely couple instead.

    I have to say, it was a lot funnier in the movie than it was in my hallway.

  7. Stephanie

    November 17, 2006 at 2:56pm

    I put this on my blog too. No sense wasting a perfectly good entry.

    *****

    Cody was beginning to think that they had made a mistake in hiring a mermaid for the front desk receptionist. True, she was spell-bindingly beautiful, she had gorgeous breasts, and she never wore a shirt, but her incessantly wet slapping tail had become intolerable, as had the fishy smell.

    Cody made up his mind. He placed his hand on the knob of his boss’ door.

    He felt a tiny prick of pain on his neck from the poison dart. He turned and the world faded into nothingness. His final vision was a pair of once enchanting, now cruel aquamarine eyes.

  8. Jess

    November 17, 2006 at 5:57pm

    I too thought it was very Shirley Jacksonesque, though I haven’t read the story Kirk mentions. I think it was just a tone I was picking up on.

    Anyway, I liked it. It was evocative of so much more than you actually described, which is the best kind of flash fiction.

  9. nova

    November 18, 2006 at 10:43am

    Annika, This is my favorite short-short in a very long while. I envy your carefully chosen 55 words.

  10. […] This gal, Noir Bettie, posted a 55 word short story after being inspired by two other bloggers to write a short story only using 100 words or less. I felt inspired and wrote a reply to her story with a 100 word story of my own. I’ll reprint it here: Maxwell kept the hyperspatial auger whirring away despite the wailing klaxxons. A minor nuisance. Quite the polite reminder, one should think, that one shouldn’t use unregulated devices so close to the stabilizing core of this particular ship. Which just happens to be in orbit around black hole #Z-10110-Czx. A careless move could be rather devastating, actually. No. He would only worry if the alarms went silent. Yeah. That would be worrisome. The cerulean blade continued to bite deeper into the outer casing. A bead of sweat rolled down Max’s hand. Another centimeter more… Silence. Time splits infinity. Then… Silence. […]

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