We had an adventure on Wednesday. Not the good kind. (But if you stick with me there will be Muppets at the end.)
Okay, you know how trucks have this sticker on the back?
Everyone with half a brain knows to stay clear of a truck that’s turning right. Right?
Related (kind of): you know how you’ll be waiting in the right turn lane at a red light, and you creep forward to see if you can turn right on red, and the car that’s going straight will edge forward as you do because the driver is a total dick?
So here’s what happened to us on Wednesday. And I will start by saying: we are all FINE.
Will’s Vespa wouldn’t start (it needs a new battery AND probably has a clogged fuel line – neither of which will be very costly to get fixed but we have to time it just right) so the kids and I put on pants and we all piled into the car.
About two blocks from our building, there was a USPS truck–a semi–stopped at a red light. He was all the way to the left, going straight. Will pulled up alongside him on the right, to turn. While the light was still red, the truck began to pull forward. I thought to myself, I can’t believe a fucking semi is intersection-blocking us.
And then he started to turn right.
And I had just enough time to think, “Holy shit, he is going to kill us” before the truck made contact with the front driver’s side corner of our car.
AND THEN HE KEPT GOING.
That’s right, the motherfucker never saw us, and couldn’t hear the impact. Which, amazingly, had been very slight. I got out to survey the damage and…there wasn’t any. The paint was scraped. Seriously, that was IT. Our car is so low that only the (fucking gigantic) tire had hit us.
So then we spent half an hour waiting for the police to show up and take our statement. Because if you have a hit and run, you report it. (I mean, I think so. But I also think you DON’T TURN RIGHT ON RED FROM THE LEFT LANE WITHOUT SIGNALING OR USING YOUR MIRRORS.) After 30 minutes the dispatcher called and said, “I have an officer at [the intersection where we were] and there’s no sign of an accident.” I said, “That’s funny, because we are at [INTERSECTION WHERE WE CLEARLY WERE] and I see no sign of an officer.” Only I wasn’t as sarcastic as I wanted to be. I mostly save that for the internet.
Eventually he found us and took down all our information, and was even nice about the fact that I couldn’t find the current insurance card. And he showed Sam the computer in his car–Sam was very impressed. Just when he was finished with us, a couple of minivans pulled over across the street, fresh from a fender bender. Poor officer.
So that sucked. I’ve been jumpy for days, and really angry. And so goddamn busy OMG.
In an effort to keep from killing everyone, I’ve developed an obsession with “Moving Right Along.” Kermit and Fozzy soothe me. Here:
(YouTube videos never load for me on the first try. Try refreshing the page, or just click here.)