Through The Looking Glass

I just sent what felt like a Dear John email. I feel like crap, crying all over the place. But I had to be honest – right?

I liked pretending everything was fine better.

Things are going really well.

Baby cooking.

New car.

New computer.

Writing gigs at two major websites, plus other freelance stuff. (It would be nice if more of these things paid, but still – I am writing and someone is reading it.)

Madly in love with my husband.

We know some really amazing people who call us friends.

Did I mention the baby?

My hair and eyebrows are phenomenal.

(In no particular order.)

So why do I find myself crying and inconsolable about once every 48 hours?

There is some bad.

Our apartment sucks. If you’ve been here and like it, keep your mouth shut. You don’t have to live here and I am really fucking sick of being made to feel guilty for hating it.

My husband is a top executive at a major motion picture production company, and he barely makes enough money for our expenses, which are not extravagent. We have way more credit card debt than is acceptable. I don’t seem to be capable of bring in enough to make a difference.

Some bad shit has happened in the last several months, like, um, losing almost all of our local friends. (Don’t ask me to elaborate. There’s a reason I haven’t written about it thusfar.)

The car is the wrong color and the computer might be a lemon.

But it doesn’t outweigh the good, because the good is so good.

I know that it’s hormonal. What I don’t know is how to make myself feel OK.

Other than ice cream, which OHMYGOD REALLY WORKS. Naysayers, go away.

Also, copious amounts of Rescue Remedy and a massage this morning that we can’t really afford but I don’t care because I feel like jelly.

But man – I was not ready for this. Physical woes I was prepared for. So of course I have had pretty much none. But I am on an emotional rollercoaster and I think it goes upside-down and I don’t do upside-down rollercoasters.

• Lou & Deb.

• Saria & Brian.
• Kulia & Travis & Maya.
• Mary & Stephen.
• Mindi & Dwayne.
• Crystal.
• Mindi again.
• The bastard who stole my car.
• A credit card.
• My Sweetpea Husband.
• The Apple Store at The Grove.

Thank you.

Today I met a friend for coffee.

I bought a book for Will. (But it was on the $2.99 table.)

I got my eyebrows waxed and my bangs trimmed.

I bought a skein of really luscious yarn (alpaca, silk, cashmere).

I ate lots of leftover Thai food.

I talked to my father till we both nearly fell asleep on the phone.

I bought Water Buffalo yogurt and organic ingredients for hummus.

The car hit 300 miles.

Tomorrow I go to a gathering at the home of my midwife’s assistant/doula and meet other clients (e.g. pregnant women and moms). This is the intended destination of the hummus.

Then I pick up Will at the airport.

We might go out to meet friends in the evening.

My to-do list sits untouched and grows longer. But I am so content. I don’t want to disrupt that.

YOU!

Well, it does if you nominated yourself back in November.

This year (er, last year?) I have decided that rather than assigning each blog its own category I will simply name you all Best Blog and allow you to fight it out amongst yourselves.

You have three Award choices, which you may display on your blog if you like.

Congratulations to CosmicAvatar, Sharon, P@, Jenn, Podgy, dee, Cazzle, Liz, Marsh, Amanda, Amy, Allison, Stephanie, Heath, Eileen, Katherine, Kulia, Rodolpho, Min, Delle, and Laurie.

Your blog is my favorite!

I’m experimenting with the blogger photo upload thingy, so I have no idea whether you can direct link to the buttons or not. You may have to save them and upload them to your own blog. I don’t know! Let me know what happens.

Because of the writing I do for Creature Corner, I am on a lot of mailing lists. Upcoming movie announcements, press day invites, that sort of thing. So I get non-horror emails a lot, because what PR company is going to take the time to target a more specific group than internet movie sites?

But this is just too funny:

Please let me know if you are interested in featuring The Best of the Electric Company DVD on Creature Corner.

23 weeks. That means that Froggy has been growing for 21 or 22 weeks (depending on which time, er, took). Amazing.

I ordered some Thai food about ten minutes ago, because Froggy misses Daddy and I am in no condition to leave the house. (OK, I just need a shower, but I’m working.)

I forgot to ask them not to send any Thai iced tea, which may have been an error because how can I have it in the house and not drink any? Oh dear.

UPDATE: They sent two, the sadists. I guzzled about a fourth of one and then dumped the remainder down the sink. Then I ate four servings of everything. Deeee-lish.

Mindi asked me why I’ve used the three names this blog has gone by over the years. I thought I’d post my answer (expurgated) here.

Sick Boy: My Life as a Good Girl was sort of a joke. It was a reference to Will, and a Social Distortion song about a bad boy.

Scratching at the 8-ball is from another Social Distortion song, probably my favorite, called “Bad Luck.” The song is about, um, exactly what it sounds like. If you scratch at the 8-ball, you automatically lose in pool, usually after being one shot away from winning. Seemed like an apt description of life in general (not necessarily mine).

Through the Looking Glass was perfect because I wanted to reinvent the blog a little bit. I changed the template and made it a little bit more of a reflection of me. Also, I adore Alice in Wonderland.

And there you have it.

I think Will and I are going to need to think about getting a third vehicle – not because there’s any way for us to drive three vehicles at once (if you know of one, let me know) but because we need a German-made* automobile to go with our Imperial Mazda and Fascist Vespa. I’m thinking a pick-up truck.

*Oh all right, I mean NAZI.