Two conversations

I was really lonely yesterday. It’s hard taking care of two sick children all week with very little adult contact. (Oh boy, that sounds sexy. I DIDN’T MEAN THAT. But, uh, now that I mention it…) Bedtimes were nonexistent all week, so Will and I didn’t get to have any non-interrupted conversations or watch any of our stories (we’re in season one of The Wire right now).

Last night Will went on a date with Will, which meant I had an extra-long day of being a mom. I was kind of done by noon.

Sam did not want to go to bed alone. He wanted me to go with him. I explained that I had to stay up with Grace, and he suggested that she could stay up with Daddy. I reminded him that Daddy wasn’t home yet, and he was incredulous. How dare I say that? He slunk off to bed alone. After a few minutes I went in and tucked him in. As I left:

–Mama, will you give me a hug?

I threw myself across the bed and wrapped my arms around him. He melted into me.

–I love you so much it feels like my heart is going to explode.

–Yeah, I know.

Jeez, who let this kid watch The Empire Strikes Back eight thousand times?

Back in the living room, Grace demanded that I pick her up. I was annoyed. She’s spent most of the week in my lap and I just wanted to sit alone for once.

–Sometimes you are a real pain in the tuckus.

–Yes. I Gracie.

I’m still not sure if she was agreeing with me or correcting me. I picked her up.

Two Conversations With My Sister

–I haven’t been on Twitter in hours!

–What have you been doing?

–Reading my book.



(Upon reading about a power surge in Century City)

–I wonder what was being robbed while the system was down!


–…It’s possible that I watch too many movies.

–There’s no such thing as too many movies. But you might be watching the wrong movies.

I just said this.

“Hey, they’ve got the Large Hadron Collider back up, so it looks like the universe is going to implode pretty soon.”

And that was pretty funny. But then Will said:

“I just hope it waits long enough for me to find out what happens to Naruto.”

Is it any wonder I can’t find time to write?

This is a list of all the things I just tried to do simultaneously (not including breathing, growing a fetus, and other automatic body functions):

  • Eat breakfast
  • Feed Sam his breakfast
  • Answer the telephone
  • Respond to two separate emails
  • Download videos from Flip
  • Protect my computer from Sam’s eager hands
  • Not pee myself

I just made it to the potty, did not answer the phone, and Sam is yelling at me for sausage, which is pretty annoying because he can totally feed himself.

On a related note, a conversation we had this morning:

Will (to Sam): Daddy needs a housewife.
Me: SO DO I.
Will: You have one! He just works full-time.

It’s so depressingly true. I may be the full-time parent, but I suck at housewifery. Will is great at house stuff, but when he is here he spends his time with Sam (as he should). If the dust would only become sentient, as I know is a dire possibility, perhaps we could train it to clean.

The quotable John

This should be a series.

On The Killers: It’s got Burt Lancaster in a wifebeater! And apparently it has some sort of plot.

On The Swimmer: It’s got naked Burt Lancaster! He has a great butt. And apparently there is some sort of plot.

Years from now, after my death, my children will go through my things and find little scraps of paper with hilarious (if out of context) quotes on them. Kids, they’re all John.

I Wish I’d Gotten Details

I took Sam to the zoo today and we went to the Gorilla Reserve. There was a little girl, maybe eight years old, talking to a zoo employee. I have no idea what the conversation had consisted of before our arrival, but while we were standing nearby she said:

“Every time I visit them they’re doing something humiliating.”

The silver back was sitting there–just sitting–and I can’t imagine what she meant but I had to run away so I wouldn’t be the creepy lady laughing at somebody else’s kid.

On Hula Hooping

Laurie: I tell everyone, it’s just like sex.

Me: It’s really awkward and you have to be willing to laugh at yourself?

Laurie (with withering look): You move your hips front to back.

And then we laughed for about ten minutes. You guys need a Laurie.

Back in the Salad Again

Whoa. That weekend flew by! Remember last year when I blogged every single day? I’m glad I’m not doing that anymore. I’m exhausted as it is.

But Will told me last night that he checked for updates a dozen times yesterday and he was sad. So let’s see what I can throw up here before he gets to work this morning.

Scene One. Sunday afternoon. Will and his mom have been to Target, where she picked up a little set of Star Wars figures for Sam.

MIL: And here’s 3CPO.
Will: C3PO.
MIL: Yes, 3CPO.

This went on for–I’m not kidding–at least a full minute, and might have continued indefinitely had I not interjected to tell them they were funnier than Abbot & Costello.

Scene Two. This morning. Sam is sitting in front of Will’s computer, which is where he watches Star Wars, singing the Imperial March.

Me: Sam, do you want to watch Star Wars?
Sam: No.

Maybe you had to be there, but holy heck, was it funny.