Day 12: changes

I’ve been feeling really great since we started this elimination diet/cleanse/whatever, with one major problem: I have started hating food. I’m so frustrated by the limited selection of proteins that I don’t want to eat anything, which would be great if the goal was anorexia but is not great when the goal is overall health with a side goal of weight loss.

So today I bought a cake of tofu. I weighed my options and decided that I’d rather add one legume-based food than any type of dairy. Health-wise, I think goat cheese is probably a wiser choice, but I have a liiiiittle portion control problem with the stuff and weight loss might be a secondary goal but it is definitely a goal.

So I bought tofu and I made this:

tofu-yellow-curry

Yellow Thai curry with tofu, bok choy, and peppers. It was DELICIOUS and I have no regrets.

21 Days

For 21 days, Will and I are avoiding grains, sugar and sugar substitutes, legumes, dairy, alcohol, and fun. (I am kidding about one of those things.) We’re on Day 4 so I thought I would report, given my declaration that I would try to lose some weight this year.

When the three weeks are up, we will add back in some of the easier-to-digest foods, like honey and rice and corn and GOAT CHEESE DEAR GOD I MISS GOAT CHEESE. We will also start having occasional treat meals, probably on our gaming nights. Because beer and pizza.

It’s actually going pretty well. My only complaint is boredom, on account of there are very few protein/fat sources for me. I am eating a lot of eggs and tree nuts, and everything is cooked in coconut oil or made with coconut milk. I try to mix it up with the vegetables to compensate, but cooking creatively with a limited palate of ingredients has a learning curve. Sweet potatoes are becoming a mite dull, which is ridiculous since they are THE BEST THING EVER.

Still, I don’t feel any urge to quit yet. I feel less hungry less often, too.

The next step is exercise, but I am a little nervous to do anything that will make me RAVENOUSLY HUNGRY (which cardio of any kind always does) until I’ve adjusted to the new way of eating. I guess I really need to go back to my yoga DVD, but we’ve been doing no TV during the week and I will have trouble explaining to the children that it’s okay if it’s for me. Soon, though.

New Year’s Stereotype

Fuck it: in 2013, I resolve to lose some weight.

I know all the arguments against making that resolution and I don’t care. I’ve got children who sleep through the night*, I’m not a full-time milk machine anymore (Grace nurses at bedtime and maybe once during the day), and I have literally zero pants that fit me.

THE TIME IS HERE.

Although I will not be able to start running (which is the exercise I think I’d like to use) until I can afford new sneakers and a new bra. So that kind of sucks. But I’ll at least start doing my yoga video again to get stretchy.

I won’t be posting my starting weight, because I don’t know what it is (I threw away my scale quite a while ago) (because it was broken), but I suspect it’s in the high 180s. On my frame, that is DREADFUL. My ideal weight is probably around 125 but I’d be really really happy to get down to 140. (I’m naming numbers because that’s the way my head is stuck, but my real goal is to fit into some clothes. I have a ton of size 8 and 10 jeans. So that would be good.)

I’ll miss my boobs when they go away.

*this was true when I wrote it on the 1st, but in the time since Grace has woken me up every night for water and/or the potty. Sigh.

The Exercise Train Has Left The Station

And I am comfortably riding on the dining car. DOH.

A couple weeks ago I started running again. And counting calories. And all that fun stuff to make my body fit into ANY of my clothes again, my god I am so sick of nothing fitting.

One year ago I was doing the same thing and lost nearly ten pounds in just over two weeks. Then I found out I was pregnant and immediately stopped the deprivation diet. (I’d been eating fine for short-term, non-pregnant living.) I had no trouble with motivation or follow-through. This time it is HARD.

Last week I totally fucked up. I stopped running, I stopped counting calories, I totally pigged out more than once.

I’m sure some of the difficulty is because I am nursing Grace. But I’ve set my calorie limit much higher, and was taking it very easy with the exercise. I think the problem is me.

Last time, I had a tangible goal to lose weight and get fit in order to prepare for a second pregnancy (which we meant to do a little bit later than it wound up happening); this time, my entire goal is to fit into my clothing again (oh fine, and to be hot). Apparently my size 4 wardrobe (currently stuffed under the bed) is not enough of a carrot (and by carrot, I mean cookie) to dangle in front of myself. Heck, my size 8 clothing isn’t even tempting me.

I can’t make pregnancy my goal again. So I guess I need to be overweight a little longer until I can motivate myself better. Damn.

Wii Fit Thinks I’m Fat

When Shelby and Briana moved in together, they found themselves with an extra Wii Fit and asked us to hold onto it for them. The other day I set it up and put the disc in. I was a little bit nervous to find out what I actually weigh, since I’ve been using our bathroom scale which I know to be off by at least five and more likely ten or more pounds. I liked the delusion that I weigh only 149 pounds, you know?

Well, the good news is that the scale is only off by seven pounds (assuming the Wii Fit is correct), putting me at a totally respectable 156. I’m still confident in believing that I’ve gained 12 pounds so far this pregnancy, since I have no reason to believe that the scale is inaccurate in measuring differences, only that the actual weight shown is wrong.

So then I did the balance test and was informed that I am overweight (duh, two people here–there really should be a way to tell it that) and have a Wii Fit Age of 34. And, well, I am actually 31. I can’t seem to get worked up about three years, especially when I can expect one or more of them to drop off when I “lose” this baby weight. (Somebody remind me to use the Fit when I go into labor so I can shock it the next day by being ten to twenty pounds lighter all of a sudden.)

So my conclusion from the fitness test is that clearly I am in perfect shape and don’t need to do anything further. Does that sound right?

P.S. I told the Wii Fit that my goal is to gain 15 pounds. It did not blink at the higher BMI. I am thinking it is maybe not so smart.

Starting Over

I made a New Year’s resolution to lose some weight and get fit. I know, how original of me. I’ve tried before with plenty of success but I never got past a certain point, and over time I got heavier again. Because of delicious, delicious beer. We all have our downfalls.

In January I gave up beer and cut WAY back on dairy, even taking my coffee black. I also went outside EVERY day. Not exactly exercise, but moving a little and getting fresh air.

I lost ten pounds.

In February I got sick and it lasted weeks and I wasn’t moving as much. In March I had some beer. I gained about five of it back.

Last Tuesday evening I decided things HAD. TO. CHANGE.

On Wednesday morning a week ago I weighed myself and started counting calories and exercising for serious. And I set a goal, one that I think is reasonable if a little difficult: I will lose ten pounds by Sam’s third birthday, which is May 19th. (I asked Twitter if ten pounds in a month was reasonable, and most of the responses were favorable. One person said it was “insane” but we all know I’m crazy so that’s OK.)

Starting Weight

144

Starting Measurements

waist: 31
high bust: 36
bust: 38
belly button: 36
high hip: 40
hip: 42
thigh: 24
bicep: 12

(I didn’t think to take my measurements till Friday, and I’ll be honest: I’d already felt myself slim down a bit. Also, I had no idea what to measure! If I left anything off, let me know.)

I am seriously restricting calories. No dairy except for butter and yogurt in moderation, no sugar (a little honey or agave is fine) or simple carbs–actually, I’m not eating a lot of complex carbs either right now, but I expect that to change. The body needs grains, but mine needs to get used to small portions before I eat foods that both fill you up and make you feel hungry faster. I’m eating a TON of vegetables. I gave up coffee for Lent and haven’t taken it back up.

I’m going for a brisk walk every other day, pushing Sam in the jogging stroller. (Thank god he is still willing to ride occasionally. I don’t know how I’ll get any exercise if/when he starts refusing, because if he’s walking he stops every ten feet to look at something–which is charming and fine unless you’re trying to get a workout). On the alternate days I’ve been doing jumping jacks, crunches, and push-ups. I can’t do prone push-ups AT ALL so I do them at an incline, on the arm of an easy chair. I plan to add in leg lifts and some weights, and I’m thinking about hula hooping.

I took Sunday off deliberately. I still ate the same but I lazed around and it was marvelous. Yesterday was kind of a failure in the exercise department, but one off day isn’t too discouraging. Yet. I have been eating great without fail.

It’s been exactly one week. I have lost five pounds.

Today’s Weight

139

Today’s Measurements

waist: 30
high bust: 36
bust: 37
belly button: 33.5
high hip: 38
hip: 40
thigh: 24
bicep: 12

I think I can. I think I can.

I forgot to write a title for this post.

Internet, I am not doing well. I am fat enough to wear maternity clothes, but I am not pregnant. I am so out of shape that I can’t stretch without hurting myself. No exaggeration. So it might seem kind of crazy when I tell you that I just went on a hike with Sam. Even after I confess that by ‘hike’ I really mean ‘walk on the sidewalks of our totally flat neighborhood’.

Sam needed to burn off some energy and we needed to mail a birthday card to his cousin, so I somehow got myself in the shower (you wouldn’t believe how infrequently I manage those) and dressed, and we set off. I decided to let him set the length of the walk, and at every intersection I asked him which way he wanted to go. Once he realized that I was not kidding and we really could keep going as long as he wanted, he ran up to every crosswalk and pointed excitedly.

At block three-point-five I was winded. I am not even kidding.

At block six-point-five I ran three steps and almost passed out. Then, if you can believe it, I climbed six stairs to fetch Sam from someone else’s side door.

At block seven I picked Sam up and put him on my back. I carried him there for the three remaining blocks home.

Where I have been lying on the floor, crying, ever since.

Hint: the answer is “run.”

Guess what I did tonight. On purpose and without complaining, even though it made me feel like I’d smoked ten packs of cigarettes and stabbed myself in the thigh muscles.

OK, fine, it wasn’t as bad as all that. But people? Fat hurts when it jiggles. My saddle bags have GOT to go.

I’ve updated my 30 by 30 list. It is only at 16 items, so please continue making suggestions. As you can see, one of the things I added is running. I don’t want to become a runner, not the least because I don’t think my sneakers are really appropriate for it. But I want to lose weight and be able to escape the zombies long enough to play my part, which is to rebuild society (seriously, I can make food, clothing, and people–I am necessary). I also want to be able to hike the Devil’s Chair by my fourth wedding anniversary, which is coming up in October. So if I run a few times a week and hike as often as possible, I may actually achieve that goal. (Please note that the Devil’s Chair is not the hike that nearly killed me last year. That was the one mile loop trail.)

Also, did I mention that I am kinda fat? I would like to be less fat by my birthday. It would make me happy. I miss my clothes, and I like the renewed energy I have from the weight I’ve already lost and my recent activeness (what little it is).

Oh, and by the way: I got 91% on “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight” yesterday, playing co-op with Andrea. I’ll be able to cross that one off ANY DAY NOW.

P.S. Can I cross running off the list now that I’ve done it once?

Oscar Mike Golf!

Y’all, I just put on a pair of pre-pregnancy pants. Let us rejoice. I can even breathe!

It drives me crazy that people expect women to get skinny again within a month or two. That only works if you kill yourself to do it — or didn’t gain any extra weight for the pregnancy, which is generally unhealthy. I gained 50 pounds and I honestly think that is the minimum I’d want to gain. I don’t have the genetic makeup to allow me to shed weight fast, and as much as I have hated being fat (and I am still overweight, though hardly fat) I am glad of it because it is a scientific fact (a real one, not like the scientific facts I usually spew) that losing weight more slowly helps keep the weight off.

I have a way to go. I am at my pre-pregnancy weight, just barely, and I am fitting into pre-pregnancy pants just barely, but I had gained 20 pounds over the four months or so before I got a baby in me and I’d like to shed a good portion of that. Sam’s nursing so my boobs are still huge, but I am currently wearing a bra I bought while I was pregnant and I don’t wish to alarm anyone but it only has one D in the size. It’s not a perfect fit but I’ve been wearing a bra with FOUR Ds (aka a G cup) and today I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize my boobs because they have shrunk. Possibly overnight. Will says my ass did too, and he is an expert in my ass so I believe him. (HAHAHA “expert in my ass” HAHAHA I have the sense of humor of a fourteen-year-old boy.) So we made these observations and Will was kind enough to move the bed and get out some of my skinny clothes and THEY FIT! Well, the ones that were once my fat clothes fit. Whatever! I look fabulous!

Ahem. Forgive the gloat, this really has made my day. I know I’m shallow.

Monday Tuesday Weigh-In

Jeez, it’s been a while. I keep forgetting.

Weight: 140
Waist: 28″

Hmm. It would appear that being too broke to buy groceries has been good for my weight. We’ve been eating rice and beans and vegetables, which is what I wanted to be eating anyway, and I have not really been snacking. Also (sob) we haven’t been buying wine.

I like that I am getting closer to my goal, but I don’t think it’s sustainable. Next week is National Stuff Your Face Day, and anyway I’d be snacking if we had snack foods. Also I had a grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast, though that was entirely Sam’s fault.

Once again I am back to this: I must exercise. Damn it.